birthday girl extraordinaire

18 years and looking up!!!

My baby LuLu's all grows up!!!!!!!!! Happy 18th Birthday Hannah!

my desert

Me and AZ. Together for nine years. It's weird to go back there, but going back as a vacationer feels so different. Living there felt a little bit like a kind of sentence, mainly because I was pretty poor back then (can you believe it...a single mother, making a living on 6.50 an hour?) But visiting feels like.......vacation!!! We went last year in May, as the photo proves, and we took Noah with us. He had the best time, just being the only little child. We're going again in about a week. This time, it will be a whole-family (of 6!) vacation, and the first time Emma and Cole have been back since they were babies. HELLO, JACKRABBIT POOL!!!

The day we leave is actually Hannah's 18th birthday. 18. This can't be happening! My little blue-eyed-turned green-eyed baby girl, 18 years old already. It seems just yesterday I was taking her to the store where I worked, showing her off to all my friends, and her coming up with funny little sayings, like, "I got shoes", and "Are you nice?" That store was in its final stages of closing up shop when we visited last year. Jon and I met there. We even joked about having our wedding there, with me, coming down the escalator in my little wedding gown.....(we opted for an old fashioned country pioneer church in Oregon instead). It was surreal to walk through the emptiness of a place so filled with memories. Strange to see everything, even the shiny fixtures that held all that merchandise, reduced down to the lowest possible price. But even I can't resist a good sale. I got myself some new bras, and one of the purdiest cross necklaces I've seen most anywhere. I guess it turns out you just might be able to squeeze blood out of a turnip, and life goes on even when the shop's closed down.

creating little things

got my hands messy, and it sure was fun!!!

my sweet mysterious boy...........

Cole plays with his food. A lot. But he's got some really interesting ways of thinking. I'll be watching this kid to see what he becomes someday...an engineer? an architect? jim carrey?

holding pattern

Yes, I'm in a holding pattern, but I am still moving. It's kind of a "plod". I have to be happy that I can keep it steady, that I can continue to find a little bit of joy in each day, if only from a little pot of pansies, the shy eyes of a little violin student, the delicious smell of freshly popped corn. I do take pride in the movement of everyday, in the fact that I haven't succumbed to the soft warm covers of my bed, I hear them whispering, but I don't listen. I keep moving.

It truly helps that the weather allows for outside air, and scenes of Spring. Cardinals show me there is hope, bluebirds span out their wings to show brilliance, and the songs I hear all around in the trees tell me there is joy to be found.

I keep hearing songs, but haven't written them down. I see pictures, but haven't painted. But everything I hear and see is inspiring me in new ways, and I feel myself moving into action. It's good. Good to be alive. Good to be healthy. Good to be able.

Driving by a little white church the other day, I noticed the message board. It said, "To get rich quick, count your blessings."

Word.